ASAD Home PageNadine Nembrard, a UBC student-athlete said, I guess rationally speaking, I cant say whats right or wrong for another person. If a girlfriend of mine decides to date a White guy, or vise versa, its okay with me. The problem that I have, especially living in Vancouver, is that when you go out thats all you see now; Black men with White women. As a Black woman it hurts me because I feel inferior. I feel like they have been chosen over me because the men think that White women are better or they think something is wrong with us. Question: Have you ever spoken one on one with a Black man who is dating a White woman to know if your suspicions are correct? Nadine: The ones Ive spoken to do not see it that way. They think its just a personal choice; she was just there, just one of those things. The men may be right but because you see it so much, thats the perception that Black women get. You say, okay, now what is wrong with me. Why are they systematically choosing White women. Question: Will you make the first move if you find a Brother appealing? Nadine: Aha, I dont think so, Im not able to Question: What can Black women do about the situation? Nadine: The only thing we can do is to let the Black men know how we feel, how it affects us, what were thinking. I am sure they do not see it as a big deal but it is that way to us. Educating them about our feelings is what we can do.
Carmen Headley, mother of a SFU student said that her daughter is concerned about the availability of a Black man for a future husband. The Black guys are not looking out for the Black women. They claim that Black women are high maintenance but what they want is a quick thing. This is not to suggest that all White women are this way but many throw themselves at the Black guys, for what ever myths they may have or even genuine reasons, and the Black guys simply follow their lead. With the Black women, the guys usually have to court some more. I know what I am talking about. My husband had to hold my hand for six months before he got any further. This is the way that most of the Black women are, especially those like myself with Caribbean heritage. Black women are not prepared to give any thing up easily. There is another problem too, some of the Black women do not get involved enough in the community. I know a Black woman that is 27 years old and never had a date although she is a beautiful, employed woman. She does not get herself out there. She is usually at home but complains about her situation. The Black women need to go out there an look in more places than the night clubs.
Tionda Cains added, I believe in the one Human Race and do not limit myself by culture. The problem I have is when these Black men go out there in the Vancouver clubs or wherever and get the White woman experience and find out later that this will not work for them, they want to come back and expect us to take them back. I do not want to be chosen as a second choice. Something I do not understand is why some of the Sisters are fricked out about; they complain about the Black men dating White women to get a quick piece of bum, most of the time. If this is what these men are doing, I do not want any thing to do with such men no matter what ethnicity. There are a lot of Black men out there who are great, they just need to keep looking
Although I am half White, I will not date a White woman because I am simply not attracted to White women, said Lonnell Peters. Kirk Moses added, Ive dated White women because they are there, they are accessible and a lot of the times they are a lot easier going and receptive to me than a lot of Black women. Thats good for me. Why should I go out of my way just to be with my own culture when they do not make it easy for me to do so. I think a lot of Brothers out there feel this way.
To Kirks comment, Jeff AyiBonte replies, This is a perfect example of a brain washed Black man speaking. Jeff maintains, In my eyes inter racial dating should not be a problem but too many of those Black men do not know who they are. They are Black men by skin and not by heart. A Black man by heart embraces his culture and does not let the pressures of society tell him what is beautiful and who he is. I used to be one of those Black men. These guys date the White women and loose themselves. You can tell a Black man by skin by the way he looks the White women up and down, like a fool, when he is in the dance club. When he dates the White woman, she does not have to loose her culture. It is all around her. He looses his because most of the time he does not try to know more about himself while in such a relationship. The White woman may try but it is only so close that she can get to help him on the self-seeking journey. We have to develop our culture because the system out there is not designed to help us find ourselves. In such an instance, Black men sell themselves short. They want to take the easy way and when the Black woman acts the way she was brought up, they think she has an attitude. Too many White women throw themselves at Black men and too many Black men do not understand the strength of Black women. The strong person has always been our women and we need to maintain them. I am not preaching any hatred. I embrace everyone, but this is the way I feel.
A White woman, Faye Neari said, It is hard enough to find someone you like out there to be worried with all this. Amanda Arnold, another White woman, added, It is a matter of personal choice. Generations are changing. People are more tolerant these days. Sharon Martin, a blond hair blue eyed woman from Vancouver said that she does not understand what the Black women are talking about when they speak of the public perception of beauty because when she sees everyday Black women and Black models, she finds that their skin, body and face reflect real beauty. I find it interesting that many White women spend their time trying to darken their skin by suntanning and creating fuller lips with collagen, which implies to me that Black features have become a standard of beauty, she added.
As is the case with anything else, there can be both benefits and consequences involved in intercultural dating, especially, when children evolve. Some mixed children face an identity crisis which can be confusing, (although this can make them stronger). Sometimes they are not accepted by neither the Black nor White culture. If a mixed child does not have the Black parent around to help teach him or her that part of their history and culture, they sometimes get misinformed and disconnected from their Black heritage. This is not always the case because I know some White parents who make great efforts to teach Black heritage to their Black children.
Many positives can derive from intercultural dating. Whites can have an inside perspective of the Black culture and can potentially change their perceptions in a positive way. Through this interaction, they can also educate their other White associates who are otherwise ignorant of the Black culture. I put it this way. The young man or woman that a Black person dates may in the future be the teacher, police, judge or banker who has to serve my Black child. Interaction with him or her may drastically create positive changes in their ideas and attitudes. These changes may benefit our children in the long run. We are not even taught our own culture. This means that White people are not taught the proper things about our either, but, they need to learn it because they are a part of society. Intercultural dating can be one of platforms for re-education through interaction. Of course, we need to learn about ourselves and our culture, first.
I agree with Jeff when he infers that Black men should know who they are and not date White women simply because they believe this will automatically raise the status. The problem is, if we tell people who they should date and why, it does not make them any less brainwashed simply because we share the same culture with them.
Hopefully this article can motivate some more dialogue on this issue and we can learn more about each other, regardless of culture. Hopefully, we will also learn to divorce inclinations to regurgitate sweeping generalizations about each other. Thanks for celebrating the 70th anniversary of Black History Month with us.