To Stuart. . .

In this story, only first names have been used to protect the anonymity of the individuals involved.

OK for public view on the class Webpage

by Andy Brake

It was May, 1995. The phone rang early, around six. Immediately I knew something was wrong. Grabbing the phone, all I could hear was sobbing. "Andy?" "Yes," I said. "They just took my uncle to the hospital, I don't know what is going on, I think he had a heart attack. Oh God, he wasn't breathing when they took him away. My mom is histerical, what am I going to do? I don't know, oh Stuie, Oh God, I'll call you back, OK?"

"It's Ok babe. Don't worry, it'll be all right," I said.

Ten minutes later, again the phone rang. Chase was right. Her uncle Stuart, at the age of 43 had died of a massive heart-attack while cutting the lawn for his step son's high-school graduation party. I hung up the phone and began to sob.

Five hours later I was home, never fully grasping the pain I was feeling. Stuart, the man who had so welcomed me into his family, the man always eager to shake my hand, include me into his conversations, or just ask how I was doing, was gone. When I got to Chase's parent's door, I was determined to be strong for my girlfriend and her family. From the moment the door,opened, however, I was overwhelmed. Chase's brother Terry, the nephew who all the family called, "Stuart's favorite," stood in the doorway, choking back tears. Half-smiling, half crying he said to me, "Drew, I'm sorry we aren't meeting under better circumstances."

I wanted so bad to be the strong one, to be there for the family that had been there so many times for me. Realizing the emotional impossibility of this, I just cried, "T," I said, weeping in each other's arms, "I'm so sorry."

Everyone was a wreck, and I one of the worst of all. Stuart had left behind his wife, his only boy Kyle, family, friends, co-workers, and his beloved Jewish community. I can still hear the cries of Stuart's father weeping to his wife, "My boy, my baby boy. My baby boy is gone."

Never before had I seen so many people so profoundly touched by the loss a single, precious life.

At Stuart's funeral, the outpouring of emotion continued. Hundreds of mourners turned-out to express their sympathy, share their pain, and celebrate the life of a man who had come to touch so many lives in such a short time. "Forty three years," I thought. "God, why? How could this happen? And to such an open, loving, warm, and caring family? Damn it, why?!" It seemed everyone in Chase's family was asking the same questions.

Certainly, it seemed then, just as it seems now, that there is no reason why such an unfortunate loss could have been brought upon such a loving family. To try and understand something so unexplainable and so painful is to forget what we loved so much in the ones that we have lost; the life and joy they brought into our lives. With the loss of Stuart, his family will never be the same, for sure. Yet, it is their passion for love, faith, and life, and their intimate dedication to one another that has held them together in their time of pain. It is this enduring dedicaton that will continue to allow Stuart's family to cope with their grief of his loss, while always growing from the life he brought to them.

I will never forget Stuart. His smile, his laugh, his passion, his dedication, and his humor are with me always. His life brought life to me and to many others. Born of a family that instilled in him the boundless strength of love, faith, and devotion, Stuart is an eternal reminder of these convictions.

To Stuart, and to his family, I thank you for these lessons. You know what these convictions meant to you and what they have meant to your family.

From your life, Stuart, I forever treasure mine. Thank you.

Emotion Structure of "To Stuart . . ."

Agents:
1. CHASE
2. ME (I)
3. MOM (Chase's Mother)
4. TERRY (Chase's Brother)
5. STUART (Chase's Uncle, Mom's Brother)
6. FAMILY (Chase's Family)
7. FATHER (Stuart's Father, Chase's Grandfather)
8. WIFE (Stuart's Wife)
9. KYLE (Stuart's Son)
Emotions:
1. Fear -- Go Back to "wrong". I feared something was wrong. It was early in the morning and in my life experience, when the phone rings very early in the morning, usually unpleasant news is on the other end of the phone.
   • Certainty: .7 (I was fairly convinced at the time that something was wrong.)
   • Temporal Proximity: .2 (It did not take more than a few moments for me to realize that something unpleasant would be occurring.)
2. Fears Confirmed -- Go back to "sobbing". I knew something was wrong because I heard sobbing on the other end of the phone.
   • Surprisingness: 2.3 (I was significantly surprised, as I usually, am to hear when unpleasant news is prsented to me.)
   • Physical well-being: .5 (Never in my life had I heard CHASE sobbing this much, especially at such an odd hour.)
   • Valence Bias: 2.5 (Given that I am very sensitive to the emotions and feelings that CHASE experiences, I perceived the upcoming news to be extremely unpleasant.)
   • Depression: 1.5 (Though not suicidal, it was clear that CHASE was as upset as I had ever seen her.)
3. Sorry-for -- Go back to "hospital". I felt sorry for CHASE, her FAMILY, and STUART because he had just been taken to the hospital; an indicator that something unpleasant had happened to STUART.
   • Surprisingness: 2.8 (I was very surprised to hear that STUART, someone who is known for his active lifestyle and energetic personality was being rushed to the hospital.)
   • Deservingness: 1 (I certainly did not believe that STUART and his family in any way was deserving of such a traumatic experience.
   • Anxiety: 2.8 (I felt virtually powerless at that point, knowing I could do little about the situation but try to console CHASE.)
   • I also felt remorse after hearing the news, distressed about hearing that a loved one had been taken away to the hospital.
   • Depression: 2.0 (I was surprised and immediately upset about the news.)
4. Fear -- Go back to "heart attack". Hearing the news that Stuart had suffered a life-threatening event. I feared that he might die from such an event.
   • Certainty: .5 (Though I feared death from the heart-attack, I was not certain, nor did I want to face the possiblity of such a tragic event occurring.)
   • Appealingness: 0 (The thought of STUART dying from a heart- att was clearly horific.)
5. Fear Confirmed -- Go back to " wasn't breathing". Now hearing that he wasn't breathing, it was clear that STUART's condition was even more grave than I had once thought.
   • Certainty: .7 (Hearing that STUART wasn't breathing, I knew then that his chances of surviving had decreased significantly.)
   • Anxiety: 2.8 (Whatever anxious feelings I had before hearing the news that STUART had been rushed to the hospital, rapidly increased with the news that he was not breating when they took him away.)
6. Distress -- Go back to "histerical". CHASE's MOTHER was extremely worried about her brother STUART.
   • Valence Bias: 2.8 (CHASE's MOTHER loved her brother very much and her appraisal of the situation was significantly biaed by the drastic nature of the situation and the traumatic reprecussions such an event could have on her and her FAMILY.)
   • Fear -- She also feared the worst; that he may die from this life-threatening occurrance.
   • Anxiety: 2.9 (CHASE's mom was at a complete loss of control over the situation and was powerless to change the outcome of her brother's life-threatening condition.)
7. Fear -- Go Back to "going to do". CHASE deeply feared what could happen to her uncle STUART. She did not know how she was going to cope if indeed he did die, or if he suffered traumatic physical or psychological damage frome the presumed heart attack.
   • Repulsiveness: -10 (The idea of losing STUART was so upsetting to CHASE that she did not know how she would ever be able to cope with his death.)
   • Deservingness: 1 (She was lost as to why such an upsetting event could possibly happen to her.)
   • Valence Bias: 2.8 (Feeling at a loss of control, CHASE was viewing the transpiring situation in a very negative light.)
8. Hope -- Go Back to "all right". I sincerely hoped that everything was going to be all right and that STUART did not die or suffer from this traumatic event.
   • Fear -- Again, however, I feared that something unpleasant would happen and we would all have to endure the sadness, sense of loss, anger, etc. that is felt when someone dies or when something distressing and unexplainable happens to someone we love.
   • Anxiety: 2.8 (I too at that moment could not imagine such an emotionally traumatic event occurring in all of our lives and I was deeply nervous if it seemed all would not be all right.
9. Fears Confirmed -- Go Back to "was right". CHASE's fears had been confirmed. Something terrible had happened to her uncle, STUART.
   • Repulsiveness: -9 (It was true that STUART had died and I felt utterly sickened by the news.)
   • Certainty: .98 (Though I did see his dead body in front of me, by the emotions CHASE was expressing and through the perceived sincerity in her tone, it was very clear that STUART had indeed died).
   • Deservingness: 3 (I in now way STUART, myself, or his family deserved to endure such a painful event.)
   • Surprisingness: 2.9 (Never in my life could I have expected that STUART would have died at such a young age.)
10. Distress -- Go back to "sob". At this point, I was overwhelmed with sadness. I was extremely sad from the news and all I could find to do was to cry, to temporarily release some of the compounded emotions that I was experiencing at the time. My emotions were extremely compounded in one instant. I felt:
    • Sad -- Upset at the loss of a love one.
    1. Depression: 2.8 (Though I had not lost someone as close to me as, say my mother, the saddening news of hearing of Stuart's death was extremely depressing).

• Angry -- Distress and reproach about having such an unexplainable, unfair event happen in my life and the life of my loved ones.

1. Valence bias: 2.8 (I was enraged that such an unpleasant event could happen to me and a FAMILY that I loved and respected so much).