I.
I am a decay’d Macaroni,
     My Lodging’s up three Pair of Stairs;
My Cheeks are grown wondrously bony,
     And grey, very grey, are my Hairs:
 
   II.
My Landlady eyes me severely,                                                     5
     And frowns when she opens the Door;
My Taylor behaves cavalierly –
     And my Coat will bear scouring no more:
 
   III.
Alas!  what Misfortunes attend
     The Man of a liberal Mind!                                                     10
How poor are his Thanks at the End,
     From base and ungrateful Mankind!
 
   IV.
 
My Father, a stingy old Rum,
     His Fortune by Industry made,
And dying bequeath’d me a Plum,                                                15
     Which he meant I should double in Trade:
 
   V.
Oh! how could he destine to Trade
     A Man, of my Figure and Sense!
A Man who so early display’d
     Such a liberal Taste for Expence!                                            20
 
   VI.
When I first came to Years of Discretion,
     I took a round Sum from the Stocks,
Just to keep up a decent Succession
     Of Race-horses, Women, and Cocks:
 
  VII.
Good Company always my Aim,                                                    25
 Comme il faut were my Cellars and Table:
And freely I ask’d to the same
     Ev’ry Jockey that came to my Stable:
 
 VIII.
No Stripling of Fortune I noted
     With a Passion for Carding and Dice,                                        30
But to Him I my Friendship devoted,
     And gave Him the best of Advice:
 
  IX.
“To look upon Money as Trash,
     Not play like a pitiful Elf,
But turn all his Acres to Cash,                                                         35
     And sport it as free as myself.”
 
   X.
And as Faro was always my Joy,
     I set up a Bank of my own,
Just to enter a Hobbydehoy
     And give Him a Smack of the Ton:                                            40
 
  XI.
In the Morning I took him a hunting,
     At Dinner well-plyed with Champain,
At Tea gave a Lecture on punting;
     At Midnight, on throwing a Main:
 
 XII.
His Friends too with Bumpers I cheer’d,                                        45
     And in Truth should have deem’d it a Sin
To have made, when a Stranger appear’d
     Any Scruple of taking Him in.
 
 XIII.
As I always was kind, and soft-hearted,
     I took a rich Maiden to Wife;                                                    50
And though in a Week we were parted,
     I gave her a Pension for Life:
 
 XIV.
My free and humane Disposition
     (Thank Heaven) I ever have shewn
To all in a helpless Condition,                                                        55
     Whose Fortunes I’d first made my own:
 
  XV.
To * * * * * * with whom long ago,
     My Friendship in Childhood begun,
I presented a handsome Rouleau,
     When his ALL I had luckily won;                                            60
 
 XVI.
My Friends were much pleas’d with the Action,
     But charm’d when I open’d my Door
To his Wife, whom He lov’d to Distraction,
     But could not support any more.
 
 XVII.
The Love of my Country at last,                                                    65
     In a Soul so exalted as mine,
All other fond Passions surpast,
     I long’d in the Senate to shine:
 
 XVIII.
With a liberal Zeal I was fir’d
     The Good of the State to promote,                                            70
And nothing more truly desir’d
     Than to make the best Use of my Vote:
 
   XX.
I soon heard of one to be sold,
     Such a Bargain, I could not forego it,
With the Freemen so cheap were enroll’d                                       75
     A Lawyer, a Priest, and a Poet.
 
   XXI.
I touch’d all the Aldermen round,
     And paid double Price for the Mayor;
But at length to my Sorrow I found
     They’d been sold long before I came there;                                80
 
  XXII.
In vain for sarcastical Song
     Did my Poet his Talents display,
My Lawyer th’Election prolong,
     And the Parson get drunk ev’ry Day:
 
 XXIII.
To my very last Farthing I treated,                                                    85
     And set the whole Town in a Flame;
And since I’ve so basely been cheated,
     I’ll publish the Truth to their Shame:
 
 XXIV.
My Rival aloft in his Chair
     Like a Hero triumphantly rode,                                                    90
My Lawyer and Priest at his Ear,
     My Poet presenting an Ode:
 
 XXV.
While unable to pay for their Prog,
     Their Wine, their Tobacco, and Ale,
I was forc’d to sneak off like a Dog                                                 95
     With a Canister tyed to his Tail:
 
 XXVI.
Yet how can I patiently yield
     Those Palms I so justly might claim,
When I view such a plentiful Field
     For fair Oratorical Fame?                                                            100
 
XXVII.
‘Tis true, I’m a little decay’d
     My Lungs rather husky of late,
Yet still could I throw in my Aid,
     To manage a party Debate:
 
 
        XXVIII.
My Legs (you observe it no Doubt)                                                105
     Partake of the general Shock;
Yet I trust they might fairly hold out
     Seven Hours by Westminster Clock.
 
 
         XXIX.
But in vain have I studied the Art
     With Abuse to bespatter the Foe,                                                110
And shoot it like Mud from a Cart,
     With the true CICERONIAN Flow:
 
 XXX.
My Genius and Spirit I feel
     Depress’d by Adversity’s Cup;
My Merit, alass! and my Zeal                                                            115
     For my Country, hath eaten me up:
 
          XXXI.
Yet spite of so fair a Pretension,
     Th’ unfeeling, ill-judging Premier
Hath meanly deny’d me a Pension –
     Though I ask’d but a Thousand a Year.                                        120
 
         XXXII.
Where then shall I fly from Oppression,
     Or where shall I seek an Abode,
Unskill’d in a Trade or Profession –
     Too feeble for taking the Road?
 
         XXIII.
I’ll hasten, O! Bath, to thy Springs,                                                    125
     Thy Seats of the wealthy and gay,
Where the hungry are fed with good Things,
     And the rich are sent empty away:
 
       XXXIV.
With you, ye sweet Streams of Compassion,
     My Fortune I’ll strive to repair,                                                      130
Where so many People of Fashion
     Have Money enough, and to spare:
 
       XXXV.
And trust, as they give it so freely,
     By private Subscription to raise,
Enough to maintain me genteely,                                                        135
     And sport with, the rest of my Days.

_____
*Notes..  These notes were prepared by Robin LaCombe Secco in ENG 471: Bibliography and Literary Research
(W'99) at DePaul University, Chicago IL.    To return to the text, click on the link at the start of  each entry.

1. Macaroni. An exquisite of a class which arose in England about 1760 and consisted of young men  who had travelled and affected the tastes and fashions prevalent in continental society.  As time passed, however, the term came to mean an over-dressed, or gaudily dressed person (OED).
10. liberal. Free, bountiful, generous; also gentlemenlike. (Dictionarium Britannicum, 1730)
15. Plum. A sum of one-hundred thousand pounds—slang (OED). Anstey may be sarcastic here.  One-hundred thousand pounds was a great deal of money during the period in which he wrote.
26. comme il faut. French for “in a proper manner."
29. Stripling. A youth; Latin for leaping and dancing. (Dictionary Britannicum)
37. Faro. A gambling game at cards in which the players bet on the order in which certain cards will appear when taken singly from the top of the pack (OED).
39. Hobbydehoy. A young man or boy in the awkward sstage of adolescence. (Daniel Pool. What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew (New York:  Simon & Schuster,1993) 321.)
40. Ton. A score of one-hundred in a game spec. in Cricket and Darts (OED).
43. Punting. 1. At certain card games, as Basset, Faro, and Baccarat:  To lay a stake against a Bank. 2. To bet upon a horse, etc. (OED).
44. Throwing a main. To throw with a box and Dice. (Dictionarium Britannicum)
59. Rouleau. A number of gold coins made up into a cylindrical packet.  In 1694 (Ladies Dict.) defined it as ‘a paper of Guineas to the number of 39.’ In 1796 (Grose’s Dict.) the number is given as ‘from twenty to fifty or more’ (OED).
93. Prog. Something gotten, to procure sedulously, to use all endeavours to set or gain. (Dictionarium Britannicum)
118. Premier. First in position, importance, or rank (OED).
134. Subscription. In bookselling, it is when the undertakers of printing a large book propose
advantages to those that take so many books at a certain price, and lay down part of the money before the impression is finished. (Dictionarium Britannicum) Anstey may be making an analogy here between how the Macaroni wishes to attain his fortune and how the booksellers make theirs.