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The Atman/Anatman Mandala

By Laura Stockton (Dubh)

The first thing to understand the mandala I created is an explanation of the premise from which I based the entire composition. The composition is primarily based on my dualistic understanding of the nature of the universe and reality. This is best related to my understanding of Self. I take the words Atman/Anatman and use them as an almost deified manner, in that this particular mandala focuses on the creator aspect of the individual in the foundation of ones own reality. The question always is, though, is the person the creator of their reality, or is the reality a creator of the person? Which part of existence on the whole is conditional to the other parts of existence? Or is everything nothing? I believe that the universe follows the law of inertia, and the Self does not escape that law. This is the platform on which this mandala is conceptually set.

The second most important thing about understanding this mandala is the personal symbols used in its creation. The symbols I use are a combination of those related to Western art history including my interpretation and inspiration from the artist Jasper Johns and color theory taken from the Bauhaus school. Other symbols come from what I can only refer to as the collective, as that they are exact symbols that resonate with my self in ways that I cannot explain and are relatively universal in nature in meaning, however, I do insert my own interpretations of the combination and use of the symbols. Those symbols that are left that do not refer to any of the above themes are created out of my own mind and are drawn from various sources and in all reality, can never be called my own creation (or can they?…round and round the Matrix we go….)

The following is the list of the anatomy of meaning (ingredients, as it were) as found in the Atman/Anatman Mandala:

1 pre-gessoed, pre-stretched, pre-doodled on canvas. In a previous life this canvas was to
      be used for a self portrait and was scribbled on using my personal symbol ( a logo, actually) which is a       counterclockwise spiral with four arrows going (as on the face of a clock) between 1 and 2, 4 and 5, 7 and 8, and       finally, 10 and 11.

       This is what WAS. This is The Past, the foundation of Self that is The Now. This is the basis of momentary        conception of reality.

The First Painting-This is the symbolic obliteration of what has passed. This is the acknowledgment that all things from past moments are truly gone, nothing is as it was, nor will it ever be. The past is truly gone; it is the failure of the Self that holds on to those things that are non-existent. However, the past is what was once referred to as Now, and I am dependent on past Now's for my current existence, so the past which I am dependent on cannot be completely obliterated, this is why part of the foundation of The Past shows through the white paint. The white paint is made more opaque in vertical lines across the canvas. This is reminiscent of the desire for an axis mundi, but also calls into the image of prison bars. The white, as used here, is an incorporation of the idea of white as being a color of purity and absence. There is a duality in the selection of this color, as that while white is the absence of color in painting, it is the container of the spectrum in light.

In between the First Painting and the Second Painting is the first major symbol. This symbol is a black circle (black = presence/absence) on the white field. This comes out of Zen with the empty circle. I use it here as a reinforcement of the idea of Absence. It is a grounding into the now, in to the infinite impresence of reality. I painted my hand with Alizarin Crimson, a color that I have used for the past few years as a symbol for blood/life in my paintings, and then, after spitting on my hand, I stamped my hand in the center of the circle. This is where I enter the meditation for resolution of the Self. This is where the journey becomes truly mind, as that now my identity (hand/fingerprints, saliva) are a part of this mandala in a very direct way.

The Second Painting-the next thing that happens after the mandala is entered officially is that I accept my willingness to enter into the universe to find my Self/Non-Self. The universe is symbolized as a field of blue, specifically, Pthalo Blue. The blue taps into the idea of the calming qualities of that color. Wassily Kandinsky, in his color theory at the Bauhaus School in Weimar, Germany, referred to blue as being soft and yielding, and as retreating and remaining in limits. On the field of blue are arrows pointing in many directions of all different sizes. The arrows put in such a seemingly chaotic manner shows the nature of the universe and the confusion that results. The willful entrance and belief in the universe's existence provokes confusion, and in this model, unlike what is found when one enters the Between in the Bardo Thodol, there are no deities or directors to be led by there is only the creator of this reality, which is the Self. Deviating from Kandinsky's color theory I use orange to color the arrows as that orange is the undisputed complementary and neutralizing color in color theory. I use orange here as being the opposite of Blue. (Note: Kandinsky would have it be Yellow, as that Yellow is said to be Blue's temperature/temperamental opposite, and together, create Green, the color of peace and harmony. I am not Kandinsky, however. ;) (107-111)

The Third Painting/The Between Painting- the next thing done in the painting is the covering of the whole canvas in a rich dark violet. This is night falling, the color of the sky 20 miles outside the ring of lights of a major city as you look in the direction of the city. It is the color of the shadows. It is the color of exhaustion. After the entrance of the Mandala, after the pointed entrance into the chaos, the mind goes mad and desires an ordered means to accessing the Self with the hope that with the same, a willingness to let go of the Self will also be attained. This is where it begins again. This is the third painting, the third step, but it is also not a step at all. This is the beginning, even though it's between so much. This is where it all begins.

This becomes the crossroads. What started as an intentional creation of spirituality fails. The Self held too fast onto itself under illusion of it's own existence. From the path of Three in Chaos comes the One of Order. This is what becomes the Atman/Anatman Mandala.

The Atman/Anatman Mandala:

     The field was divided in to different spaces to serve as a grid for the shapes that were to come. (see print out). The first thing that was done was the painting of the blue spiral coming out from the center and spilling into the right field of the painting. The blue is reminiscent of what came before on the second painting. It follows Kandinsky's color theory in this way. It also follows another instructor of the Bauhaus in the shape of the spiral. Johannes Itten, who was at the Bauhaus the just prior to Kandinsky, connected shape to emotion and color. Red was at home as a square, meaning peace, death, grounding. Yellow was at home as a triangle, being light, vehemence, active. Blue was the infinite, uniformity and peace. Here I combine Kandinsky's idea of blue with Itten's unification of blue to the shape of the circle, forming the circular part of the spiral. The first spiral empties out in the right field because of the belief that what is "right" is what is "orthodox" etc., etc.…(107-111)

     The next that comes in to the right field is the overlay of the red arrow, pointing orderly to center, where all will be one. The arrow is red as that it is the grounding entrance into the mandala. The next that is addressed is the 4-pointed arrow-star. It is the distraction from the goal, it points in every which way, and as the color yellow symbolizes, actively pulls away at the will upon entrance by the red arrow. This is where one decides to follow the undercurrent of the blue spiral into the yellow arrow, or go upstream towards the top of the ziggurat-like structure, where the Anatman is met. This is a fight with the will to maintain course, and only the most adept can fight the tide of water that the Self creates as it gazes upon the blue. Floating almost overhead are the edges of a yellow pointed-spiral, hovering actively and unreachably overhead.
Following the current of the blue into the yellow arrow, once again one is drawn to look up to the spiraling tower, becoming more apparent in the center. The yellow arrow actively points to the center, leading a person to look up at what seems to be a lowering but unreachable solid yellow-pointed spiral ramp. The blue ness become more diffused. The red arrow-star stands in the yellow arrow, distracting one from continuing the journey. It is ground, and a lure of the Self to stay grounded and stagnant in the middle of the crossroads.

     Following the end of the current, unable to access a way to the top of the tower, one follows underneath the lowering yellow-pointed spiral, which becomes part of the ground in the quadrant of the white arrow. The white arrow is Nothing. It is the pointing to the center, as all the quadrants, but it does so with no intentions. It is the silent and absent of everything. It is the strongest draw to the center, to the tower, but it is also the weakest. Like the first quadrant with the red arrow, one who is adept and ready in mind can enter the journey to the top of the tower, now becoming awesome in height. To be able to do this, one has to overcome the Will/Spirit or the Essence of the Self, which is symbolized by the blue arrow-star. The self pulls you away from it's own annihilation, a fate that can be sensed as the journey continues. This is the hardest fight, for it becomes certain that the annihilation of self (what the white refers to, ultimately) is unignorable.

     Traveling into the lowest place where the hard yellow-pointed spiral rests is the Blue arrow. It is the greatest pull, and the greatest power. It talks to that which is the essence of being. It is the Self, in all it's suffering. It points directly up to the top of the tower, which becomes impossible to see from its height. This is because one had to descend so far into the self to realize where one wanted to end up. The arrow-star exists in non-presence, but is symbolized by the white. It is nothing, and is only there as an accompaniment to the end of the Will. This is where it begins.

     Letting one's self go, one makes mindful footing on the under-flooring of the yellow-pointed spiral. As the yellow is mindfully followed back towards the way one came, the arrows that led one, distracted one, start to disappear. The climb becomes higher, fear tempts one from the course, but fear becomes lessened as the concept of self begins to dissipate. Looking down from the height just steps from the top, you see the markers of the universe between what were the arrows. The black and white, night and day, everything/nothing are the final things left, but they too disappear. Ascending the final spiral to the top the nothing is all that's left. The nothing is all that is. All that is left is silence, no words, no thoughts, no visions. It is the end of suffering.

     Finally, the mandala is to be destroyed. I grow way too attached to my artwork, and even though I swore it couldn't happen with this piece, oh well. School assignments usually don't become my babies, but this one did. Here's to impermanence! This Mandala is now yours to keep and do with what you want. Thank you.

Whitford, Frank, Bauhaus, © 1984 London, Thames and Hudson Ltd.

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